Hot As Here
by 12HockeyChick21
Summary: Lucifer has a talk show down in Hell. Join him and co-host Adam as they interview many different guests!


"Hello and welcome to Hot as Here: A Hellish Talk Show! I'm your host, Lucifer and this is my co-host, Adam!" Announced the older looking blond man.

"This is ridiculous..." muttered the sandy brown haired younger man.

"Oh come on now, Adam! Show us some enthusiasm! Now, for our first guest, he's a big brother, he's pissed, he's stuck up. IT'S MICHAEL!"

The cameras cut to a shot of a dark haired man next to Adam, glaring at Lucifer.

"Michael. First of all, how are you? It's been a while." Lucifer said.

"A while? I was only gone for ten minutes to search for a new vessel. That's the only time apart we've had since we fell down here!" Michael rolled his eyes.

"Okay! Michael. What's it like to finally be out of Adam?"

"Well, honestly, quite liberating. He was fighting against me the entire time I was in him."

Adam turned red, but whether it is out of embarrassment or anger is unknown.

"Anything to say to that, Adam?" Lucifer questioned his co-host.

"Actually, yeah. You're an angel, right Michael? One of God's beloved soldiers?"

"Yes..." Michael sounded unsure of where this was going.

"So your father tells you honesty is always key?"

"Yes."

"So why did you lie and trick me into being your vessel?"

"Uh..." Michael froze up. Then he looked at Lucifer with eyes that said: "Do I ready have to respond to that?"

Lucifer just shrugged.

"Well..." Michael thought for a second. "As it is in Heaven, so it shall be on Earth."

"Okay, I get that. But Lucifer. Didn't you have to get Sam to say yes to you? Not even just Sam. Aren't ALL angels supposed to get their vessels to say yes?"

"Yes we are." Lucifer nodded.

"So you broke your rules."

"What? No I didn't!" Michael scrambled defensively.

"Yes. You did! I didn't want to get possessed!" Adam hissed.

"You agreed. You said yes!" Michael argued.

"Yes, when I thought it would save my mother! You and Zachariah lied to me! I believed you at first, but when Sam and Dean came to save me, I realized all they had tried telling me about you was true. You used me! As I got trapped in that room and I was banging on the door, begging for Dean to save me... I thought you'd leave me alone."

Michael stared helplessly as the live studio audience of demons boo him.

"But... But..."

"Settle down, settle!" Lucifer boomed. The demons' heckling slowly died down.

"Michael, any rebuttal?"

Michael looked down in dismay, speechless.

"No." he murmured.

"What was that?"

"NO." he snapped at Lucifer.

"Alright. So-"

"Lucifer." Came a voice from behind the camera.

"Oh. Time for a commercial break. We'll be right back with our next guest."

* * *

><p>The next shot is a bright looking redheaded teenaged girl.<p>

"Hey teens. Having trouble with acne? My vessel was! So I bought Alastair's Acne White Out!"

She holds up a bottle. The camera cuts to a shot of her washing her face.

"No more being tortured by pubescent skin problems! Now you can continue on with your own torture!"

A voice starts playing in the back while she continues washing her face.

"Some stinging may occur, due to slight amount of salt. Rash or itching may occur as well. If rash persists, consult your doctor. And if acne gets worse, halt usage."

"Alastair's Acne White Out! Making my vessel's skin healthier than ever!" The redhead said.

* * *

><p>"Hey and welcome back to Hot As Here!" Lucifer greeted. "Our next guest is a father, he ignored his kids, he was kinda a dick! It's GOD!"<p>

There was a collective gasp from the audience.

"Just kidding. It's John Winchester!"

The camera cuts to John, who has Michael's place next to Adam.

"Hey Dad." Adam greeted.

"Hello Adam."

"Sorry about him... He actually takes this seriously." Adam muttered.

"This is serious!" Lucifer stopped John from responding to his son. "Anyways! JOHN! Welcome back to Hell. It's been quite a while. Where have you been residing since your soul escaped?"

"I don't feel the need to share that information." John stated.

"Alright, I can respect that. How is the wife? You seen her recently?"

"Yes sir, we see each other a lot."

"Does that mean you reside in Heaven?"

John gave a devilish, all-knowing smile.

"I'm not falling for that."

"Darn!" Lucifer snapped his fingers.

"So, Dad. I never got to ask you... Why did you never tell me about monsters?"

"I wanted to protect you Adam. I tried to treat you like everything was normal whenever I saw you. I wanted you to stay out of danger... have a chance at a normal life. But sadly... for Sam, Dean, and I... it was too late. I had to protect them in a different way than you. I had to teach them to protect themselves." John's eyes got misty.

"What happened that caused that?" Adam asked.

"Sam and Dean's mother... she was killed by a demon."

"But what if monsters had found me? Actually, they did. They found me and my mother. Why hadn't you tried to teach me to protect myself?"

"Adam, I'm so sorry for all the things that have happened to you. I hadn't thought any of it would..." John sighed.

"It's not really your fault, Dad. You tried your best..."

"I wish others would see that..."

The audience "Awww'd" at this interaction.

"Have you... seen my mother?" Adam asked.

"Yes... she and Mary are actually quite good friends." John rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Lucky you!" Lucifer said, receiving laughs from the audience.

"And Mary said you were a very beautiful boy."

"She knows what I look like?"

"Well, we spirits are allowed to carry around one picture of the people most important to us that are still alive. Your mother's is a picture of you."

"Yours is probably a picture of Sam and Dean, right?" Adam said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Actually, no. It's a picture of the two of us." John smiled, pulling out a picture of himself and 12-year-old Adam. This gained yet another "Awww".

"But... why?"

"Mary already had a picture of Dean, Sam and I. So I just look at that one as well."

"Is Mary nice?" Adam asked.

"Oh yes, she is on your side as well. She's not too happy with the boys for forgetting you." John chuckled.

"Really?" Adam cracked a smile.

"Yes. Mary is all about family."

"So, John. What was it like to finally see the demon that killed your wife killed himself?" Lucifer asked.

"Wonderful."

The camera cuts to the audience where Azazel is standing up, flipping John off. Then we pan back to John, Adam, and Lucifer.

"Right back at you douche canoe!" John returned the gesture.

"He's always been my least favorite." Lucifer whispers to John and the camera. Then there is a beep.

"Uph! Looks like we're all out of time. Thanks for watching! Join us again next time on Hot As Here! JOHN WINCHESTER EVERYBODY!"

John stands and bows while credits roll and music begins.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Want a certain guest on the next one? Leave your suggestions!<strong>


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